Earl Wilson: "Have you ever been mistaken for a man on the telephone?" Tallulah: "No, have you?" "I Was there in the South of France When Zelda [Fitzgerald], poor darling, went off her head. She had gone into a flower shop and suddenly for her all the flowers had faces. Of course, some flowers, such as pansies, *do* have faces." On seeing a former lover for the first time in years: "I thought I told you to wait in the car." "I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education." "The only man in theater who can count on steady work is the night watchman." "The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner." "Acting is a form of confusion." On why she called everyone "dahling": "Because all my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive." "If you want to help the American theater, don't be a performer--be an audience." "It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." "I'm as pure as the driven slush." "I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water - I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone." "My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine." "Cocaine isn't habit-forming. I should know - I've been using it for years." "Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it." "No man worth his salt, no man of spirit and spine, no man for whom I could have any respect, could rejoice in the identification of Tallulah's husband. It's tough enough to be bogged down in a legend. It would be even tougher to marry one." "Don't think I don't know who's been spreading gossip about me . . . After all the nice things I've said about that hag [Bette Davis]. When I get hold of her, I'll tear out every hair of her mustache!" "Say anything about me, dahling, as long as it isn't boring." "I've tried several varieties of sex, all of which I hate. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic; the others give me a stiff neck and/or lockjaw."