"They gave me away as a prize once - a Win Tony Curtis For A Weekend competition. The woman who won was disappointed. She'd hoped for second prize - a new stove." "I ran around with a lump in my pants, chased all the girls. This is what I reflected on the screen. There wasn't anything deeper or less deep than that." "What's the secret to a long and happy life? Young women's saliva!" When asked who the most attractive person he worked with was, he replied calmly, "I am". "I wouldn't be seen dead with a woman old enough to be my wife." "I had to be careful where I went because I was a Jew, because I was young and because I was handsome. It made me wiry and erratic and paranoid, which is what I still am. Always on guard." "Hollywood... the most sensational merry-go-around ever built." "Comedy is the most honest way for an actor to earn his living. People would rather laugh than cry. The quickest way to change drama into comedy is simply to speed up the film." "Fame is another profession. I feel that I have two professions, I have the profession of being an actor and I have the profession of being famous." "I was 22 when I arrived in Hollywood in 1948. I had more action than Mount Vesuvius - men, women, animals! I loved it too. I participated where I wanted to and didn't where I didn't. I've always been open about it."