"It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it." - about how a lot of his characters end up dying. "Being in a bathtub with Jackie Chan, I don't know, it has a way of bonding you I'll tell you that. I don't know if there are some weird undertones. It was like we had met in Los Angeles and we didn't have that much to say to each other but, after that bathtub scene, we were great friends. What it really was was that when we'd play off each other, it really was fun. We really did become friends". - on the bathtub scene in Shanghai Noon. "The walk off was the most uncomfortable scene for me to shoot, cos I literally have never danced in public or really even in private. I'm not a musical person and we had to dance like Michael Jackson and we had to do breakdancing..." - about the walk off scene in Zoolander. "Sometimes I stop and think how strange this all is. Something that began as a little idea in Austin, that Wes and I just walked around talking about between ourselves, has turned into all this." - on how his career has turned out. "You can think of Hollywood as high school. TV actors are freshmen, comedy actors are maybe juniors, and dramatic actors - they're the cool seniors." "I guess a lot of me in the sense is like Dignan, that's my sense of humor. The stuff that Dignan is doing is what I would do. When we test-screened the movie I realized that not everybody laughed where I did. I realized there's not a big audience for my type of humor. Dignan doesn't have self-awareness. Donald Trump has none either. When I read "The Art of the Deal" I laughed at that because neither of them realize how funny they are" - about his character Dignan in Bottle Rocket. [Talking about his relationship with Sheryl Crow and his relationships with women in general]: "Going out with someone who's doing the same thing as you, who's in the public eye, can be a problem... You want a break when you come home. You don't want someone with the same issues as you maybe reminding you of stuff you don't like in yourself. That being said, I don't think being in the spotlight had anything to do with me and Sheryl not working out. The story of our relationship is the same story I've had with most of my relationships. I was lucky enough to find a great girl and, because of my lack of... focus, the relationship went south". "We spent so much time together that I can remember us being in our teens and our dad saying we should try to find some other friends because he thought we were our own lowest common denominator when we got together." - on his brothers "Acting is more fun than writing. Writing is harder, more like having a term paper." "Yes, sometimes people get irritated, starting with my brother Luke in BR. He would get pissed at me, like, 'Why don't you just say the lines that you wrote?'" - on whether or not his improvisational skills bother fellow actors "Ben, for example, is kind of a moody guy, and you kind of have to put on the kid gloves because you never know which Ben is going to show up on set" - on Ben Stiller. "I can't think of a movie I wish I'd acted in, but there are movies I wish I'd written." "Not Shakespeare. In college I took a Shakespeare class because I was an English major, and they had a Summer program called Shakespeare at Winedale, which is out in the German Hill country in Texas , where you go out and live for two months and then you perform three plays at the end of that time. And people from Austin drive out and see it. I was supposed to be one of the two gentlemen of Verona . And I got out there and I just could not stand being out there. There were also so many lines to memorize that it was just overwhelming for me. So I ended up going home and I got an F." "A buddy movie has to have that beat where one buddy doesn't show up. They hit the same beats as romantic comedies." "At about the same age as I was interested in petrified wood, I was just fascinated with this dumb idea that we only used 10 percent of our brains. I was always thinking, Man, if I could only use 20..." "I'm not going to play a guy with MS or a guy in a wheelchair. I can play a dramatic character, certainly, but I'm not the real chameleon-type actor who, you know, changes his voice and everything." "Actually, to be honest, a shotgun wedding might be the way to go for me. You can't stay at the party forever. At some point, you have to take stock and ask yourself, 'What am I doing here?'" "To me, being cool is just the opposite of living. It's about not getting too worked up about anything, by being 'Nyah, nyah, nyah,' and no big deal. I can't stand that. It's such a jaded, clichéd posture to take. I get real enthusiastic about stuff. It's what I think is life-affirming." "I thought that I'd be married by the time I was 30 and be starting a family, but it just hasn't worked out that way. I think that there's something about being in Hollywood. I don't know if I'm shallow, but you want to make sure that you make the right choice because you know that it's forever and I didn't realize that I have such a strong scientific side that demands that I experiment with and compare women." - 2005 "The studio said Bottle Rocket was their worst-testing movie in history, so I looked into the marines. Maybe I was influenced by An Officer and a Gentleman. Or those marine commercials - they were so cool! Like a Led Zeppelin song come to life, full of people pulling swords from rocks and fighting lava monsters!". "The director made that decision not to use my butt...I don't know how to interpret that." - on having a body double for a scene in You, Me and Dupree. (On what he enjoys most about being an actor) "I was reading some Bob Dylan interview where he said, 'It beats nine-to-five. It beat it yesterday, it beats it today, and it will beat it tomorrow.' That's how I feel. I just thank God that I'm able to make a living doing something that I can have a good time doing, and be creative."