"The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'" "If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk." "I've always believed, in my heart of hearts, that it would be a better show if, when I crossed over to the desk, the band kept playing for an hour and I danced in a cage. "If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy."