"I'm now a Doctor of Letters. Most of them Fs and Bs." "Life for me is great. I'm a very f***in' wealthy person, I'm married to a very beautiful woman and I get laid with monotonous regularity." "I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be." "In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes." "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!" "There are two seasons in Scotland - Winter and July."